Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
