i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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