Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it because I queefed?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
