Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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