If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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