Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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