i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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