you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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