I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
