You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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