Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't deserve a penis
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
