I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
