Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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