I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
