I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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