Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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