I wish I could teleport
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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