So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently you make a good broom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
