she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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