Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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