Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize