You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
