Please, let me fuck your mom
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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