Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
