I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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