how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
