does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
