i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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