***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have post one night stand depression
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
