every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will pee on everything he values.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
