he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
