This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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