MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
