Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
