Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
