the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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