Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
