"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
