Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
