I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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