his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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