I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Couch. On fire.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
