Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
