Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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