brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My liver just broke up with me...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
