I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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