Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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