This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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