so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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