i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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