I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
