So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
