My room smells like vodka and shame
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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