I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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