i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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