we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
