I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
