no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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