I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
