hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
