Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
