I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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