She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
