1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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