It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
